What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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