But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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