You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
