Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
