Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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