i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
