I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
