Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
