the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
