piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
