i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
