Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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