Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
