First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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