Im at strip club and am horny
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
