God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
