Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
