I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
