I'm jealous of your bromance
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
