did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
