Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pants are for mortals
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
