I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
