you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's gonorrhea incarnate
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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