She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
