a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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