He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
