You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
