I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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