I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
