Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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