Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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