The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
