you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
