At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
