that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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