do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
