tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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