Where did you get a picture of my penis
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize