My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize