Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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