If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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