i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
