my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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