dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
