a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My balls are so social today.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
