i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
