i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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