Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
