At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
