mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
