dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
