Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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