then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
