Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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