Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
