We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
