I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
