tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
