Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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