so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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