we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
