Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your tits are I can't wait for
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
