Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
