i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
