yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize