So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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