Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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