2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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