Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
