Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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