Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
