I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
