If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
