I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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