yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she pinky promised me she was 18
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
