I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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