Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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