Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He felt like a one man threesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
