the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
